Facts Of Life

A Memory of Oakwood.

Just before our wedding at St Thomas's in April 1967, Ching my wife to be and I, were called to see the vicar. We sat in his lounge and he gave the essential instructions for making love (for making babies). He spoke very slowly and each word was drawn out. An extract follows......... He said to me 'firstly you stroaoaoaoak (stroke) the ear lobe, repeated - stroaoaoaoak the ear lobe then yooooou mooooooooove your hand down and stroaoaoaoak the breast. He carried on to the other bit in the same manner.

I actually found it quite helpful especially as Ching had heard all this so she wouldn't get any nasty surprises. Now you might find all this quite surprising but it's all quite true.

After the wedding John the Best Man took us to our hotel in London as we were to catch a shuttle bus to take us to Luton Airport the next day. As it happened I was in no hurry to try out what the vicar had told us and to kill time before going to bed we went to see the film Grand Prix - yes on our wedding night!

So back to the hotel and the big moment had arrived. Still partially clothed I went to make my first move..........SCREAM...... She said don't touch my ears, I can't stand it. I was rather taken back by this and wondered why she had not mentioned it at the vicar's? Anyway we got nowhere that night - I should have realised I could have moved to the next step but little willy was limp with nerves anyway. When we got to Majorca the next night we fortunately sorted it out. All's well that ends well. We had two children